«Ne-ve-r! I will never do that! No. I won’t even try! It’s all moist there. And all those greenish things! Brrrr No, stop persuading me» This is my mom. The sweetest woman that gives a flat denial of… trying Japanese cuisine – shushi and rolls. Arguments that the great restaurant serve them, it’s secure and tasty are not taken, tough she is judgmental without even trying them. Mum stands on her ground like a rock. This little story is a bright example of the attitude when a person is afraid of new things and reject them. Starting from trivial things like trying a new dish, ending with taking decisions that can bring the routing to a new level.The fear of changes won’t let the wind of alternation come to our inner space, keeping the cozy world against outside encroachment. It is hard to move from such a habitual and stabile place, isn’t it? Or should I cut those so called «long hair», finally and due my hair copper red.
Do we wait for changes?
From the day he was born, the man is ready for new things thanks to that he gets to know the world, learn and develop himself. A kid is opened for new experiences every day. He gets up in the morning ready for adventures and becomes involved in the game of this worlds, he’s not afraid to scratch a knee or to bit a lump. The child grows up and his informational luggage percepted from this world also grows. Now we have a teenager with a philosophy like «I need to try everything» and he tries and tries and then gets new experiences and stuffs bumps. That’s how we grow up and carry not only joy of new discoveries and experiences but also lots of other feelings not always positive such as fears and uncertainty. Necessity of knowledge and new experiences gradually becomes less important and is shielded by other more important needs like positioning in the society, creation of a family and professional realization. We formulate certain lifestyle and feel comfortable and cozy leading it. All is clear, we don’t need to exert ourselves, we can just go with a steam. As a result, over the years, we have kind of «cacoon» of dull but stabile work, family, habitual leisure time and prevailing customs. Stability becomes a symbol of success, any encroachment on it cause panic and generate opposition.It’s not easy to overcome these feelings not everyone is ready for a new turn in their lives. Many people would rather refuse new perspectives and experiences then let themselves loose the feeling of peace and comfort though they will avoid either failures or possible success.
Why we are so afraid of changes?
Why a little and shabby bird in a hand is worth of two in the bush? Why huge rewards is not so tempting because of huge risks? There are three main reasons for that:
The first reason is the fear of disappointments and failures. «What if anything would go wrong? What if this wouldn’t work? «What if I’d loose more that I get» – Zooms in our head with a red line and we start to imagine fatal pictures of our miseries. They seem to be so bright and possible that oppotrunity of positive result takes a back seat.
The second reason, ironically, is the fear of success. It sounds strange, right? But in reality not everyone is ready to accept thigs that he’s been dreaming about for years. We can dream and set aims but as soon as we have a chance to fulfil our dream the fear paralyzes us. We think that we are not ready and we won’t cope with it. Just remember stories of simple people who had accidently won a jack pot in a lottery. The majority of the lucky guys were just not ready for that. At best they just squandered the money and got back to their habitual life, at worst they died of excesses.
The third reason is our own views that restrict us. Maybe we bounded ourselves because we didn’t believe in our strength. Perhaps the person we cared and trusted once had told us «Boy, you won’t make it. That won’t work!» or «This is not for you. You should take things as they come». Maybe that wasn’t for one time. And you’d accepted that as a mere truth. Now you are convinced that you couldn’t do it no matter how you tried.
So how can we get rid of the fear to change our life? Or should we?
Isn’t it better to leave things as it is? No. Changes are vital for a man. They are the life itself. They are the development. There’s no energy and growth where are no changes and new decisions. A man grows old because of stagnation both mentally or physically. He lives in his marshland and there is nothing to talk about except his illnesses, scarce life and regular price increase. If you feel that you are in a standstill, you feel fear or don’t want any changes, you sink in a bog of illusory stability and dusty peace then ring the alarm. Walk over yourself and bring newness into your life and just start from small things. Just try new dishes. Go to new places. There are a lot of sites where you’ve never been, just be sure in that. Find new routes on your way to work. Add to your wardrobe at least a scarf of bright and unusual coloror funny socks with Mickey Mouse. Find new notes in the taste of life. Do it with people that are like-minded with you and will be your support. If the idea of changes is too much for you to take, you just need to provide yourself a guidance that changes don’t mean giving up and tramping down everything you’ve had before. All changes in life are made with idea that you don’t need to destroy everything you have but to add new things to it.
Author Elena Ustinova
Translator Ksenia Andriushchenko